Ru

Darkling Dawn

Personas

Stats

Hatchling

Weyrling

Adult

The water rushes forward, stopping just short of his toes before rushing back out to sea with the receding tide. A strong wind kicks up the sand at his feet, where it brushes roughly against his skin and becomes caught in his brown-blond hair, almost the same shade as the sand itself. The sharp salty scent of the ocean invades his nostrils, but Ru doesn't notice, lost deep in his thoughts.
There is so much he could have done differently. He shouldn't be here now, he should be...somewhere else. Somewhere he belongs. He would have been with him, except he had to go and ruin everything. Could have, should have, would have...
The harsh cry of a falcon echoes overhead, and Ru's dark green eyes raise skyward even as the barest hint of a smile creeps onto his lips. A white shadow flies underneath the clouds, the bird's snowy feathers flashing with sunlight as he wheels and dives in the air. Finally, the falcon seems to grow bored with his aerial acrobatics, and he drops suddenly, only to neatly clutch onto a tree branch with his talons, where he sits, looking down at Ru with his keen, blue eyes.
Ru shakes his head ruefully. "Still here, Xue? At least you're not gonna leave me."
He still remembers clearly the day he found the bird, and the events that lead up to it...

"You're actually going to do this?"
"Of course! It's what I've always wanted."
"I can't believe you! Even after what happened to our father, you still want to ride one of...them!?"
"...Dragons didn't kill our father, he killed himself."
"They might as well have. They're still the reason he died."
The sky was overcast that day. At the time, he had thought it seemed rather fitting. His feet pounded into the ground as he ran, ignoring the pain in his side as he just tried to get as far away as he could. His home-his former home-was already lost from sight, but he couldn't stop. It wasn't far enough. The other side of the shaffing planet wouldn't be far enough.
He ran until he could run no longer. Even though he was in pretty good shape, he couldn't continue at such a pace without the chance of seriously injuring himself, and besides, he was exhausted. He stumbled forward along the dirt road, loose dust floating into the air in his wake.  The only things he left behind him were pain and dust-filled footprints.
An inhuman screech ripped through the air, and automatically, Ru turned his head toward the sound. A patch of white among the grassy hills drew his gaze, and after a short, deliberating pause, he walked cautiously over to see what the white thing was.
It was a bird, a bird with a sharply hooked beak and blindingly white feathers. It lay on its back on the ground, panting heavily while its eyes rolled in its head. It whistled again, weakly, and tried to move, but only succeeded in twisting one of its wings under its body in a way that looked painful and definitely suggested that the wing was broken.
As Ru knelt to try to pick the animal up, he was met by the wickedly curved beak and the equally sharp talons on its large feet as it hissed at him, feathers puffed up like a cat's fur. But the falcon was growing weaker, and soon ceased struggling. When Ru finally managed to pick it up unscathed, it didn't move, though he could feel its body shivering, whether from fear, or pain, or some combination of both, he wasn't sure.
Ru didn't like dragons. That was simple fact. However, that didn't mean that he didn't care for animals at all, even if he tended to disdain the overabundant flitters commonly kept as pets. His mother, for the short time he had known her before she died, had been a healer, and even though he had never received any 'official' training, his raw skills were enough for this, at least.
During the time it took for the falcon's wing to heal, Ru spent his time watching over the bird and taking care of it, and it slowly grew used to his presence, until it would take the food straight from his hand. It often nipped his fingers at the same time, though whether this was by accident, or the bird's playful way of saying thanks, he was never quite sure. The falcon certainly seemed intelligent. Not quite as intelligent as a fire lizard, perhaps, but intelligent nonetheless.
The falcon was pure white, though as time went on and the weather warmed into proper spring, black and grey markings began to bar its back and wings. Its eyes, instead of the predatory yellow he would have expected of a bird of prey, were a clear, pale crystalline blue, though no less fierce. He named it Xue, for its appearance of snow.

"Lookit him, who is he?"
"Not from around here, surely."
"Shh! Holdless man, I'll bet. They kicked him out of his own Hold cause they didn't like him." A vicious laugh. "Hey, Holdless! Better watch out, or they might kick you out of here, as well!"
"He'll probably be gone by sundown, anyway."
The object of the Holder children's scorn is a shrouded figure wrapped in an extremely tattered cloak, once a deep black, but now colored a dull reddish brown from mud, dust and Faranth only knew what else gathered on the owner's many weeks on the road. He sits cross-legged outside the small Hold's only open tavern, seemingly showing no inclination to go inside; whether it is from lack of marks to pay for it, or some other reason entirely which no one but the Holdless figure himself is privy to, the children do not know, and, for the most part, do not care.
The figure lifts his head suddenly, causing the children to back away quickly in surprise. They glimpse a part of his chin and a hint of dark green in his eyes, but most of his features are lost under the shadow of the hood he wears.
They feel the man's ice cold gaze on them more than they see it, but before they can do anything, another boy runs by laughingly, shouting, "Dragons! There's a dragon in the Hold! Come see!"
The children all run off eagerly, the strange Holdless man immediately forgotten. They don't notice, but if they had, they would have wondered why the man's gaze, previously cold as ice, turns so cold it would make ice break at the mention of dragons.
The Holdless man doesn't bother to go after the kids; they aren't his problem, and he doesn't really care what they say about him anyway. In fact, he doesn't move at all, until a large brown dragon comes galumphing by and decides to check him out. The gust of its warm breath blows into his face and knocks the hood of his cloak back as it sniffs him curiously.
Irate, Ru tells it sharply to go away, just as its rider appears beside him. The dragon merely blinks curiously at him, but the rider's face twists into a scowl at the sight of his tattered clothes and unkempt appearance.
"Holdless brat." He sneers dismissively.
Ru's stare is no less venomous as his green-eyed gaze meets the man's own. "At least I'm not the slave of some giant lizard."
The rider's face reddens as his dragon makes an offended snorting sound. The rider snarls, threatening to grind him to a pulp for the insult, then seems to think better of it, and merely pushes past him roughly on his way into the tavern. "Not worth my time, Holdless brat." He mutters under his breath. "You don't know anything about dragonriders at all, anyway."
Later, he will chalk it up to the large amount of alcohol he consumes inside the tavern, but as he pushes past the Holdless man, he can swear he hears him say bitterly, "Huh. I was one for a while."

"Ever thought about Impressing?"
"No, I haven't. Nor do I want to."
"Why not?"
"No offense, but I don't like dragons."
The searchrider had been quite puzzled when Ru answered his questions shortly, politely, and negatively, looking as if he'd rather be anywhere else but talking to a dragonrider. The rider-a brownrider named R'es for Sidra Weyr-gave up and walked away, as his dragon asked him why he couldn't get the boy to stand. He only sighed, and Ru had finally had enough of it and walked away.
He watched the skies for Xue, his constant companion now. Even after the falcon's wing had healed completely, he never strayed too far from the boy who had helped him, and always came back to him. Ru smiled as the falcon dived out of the sky, only to open his wings at the last second and flutter onto his outstretched arm. He stroked the falcon's feathery chest, saying, "Hey there, Xue."
Xue chirped and began nibbling at his hair fondly, until he caught sight of the imposing brown dragon and took off in fright. His talons raked painfully against Ru's arm, and he hissed, grabbing his wounded arm as he turned to glare at the dragon.
I'm sorry. Did I frighten your bird? Ru stiffened as the dragon's voice forced its way into his head. He ground his teeth, obviously the rider was not around to keep his dragon out of trouble.
"What do you want?" He snapped.
The brown's eyes whirled. I just think you should stand for Milkath's clutch. I really do think you'll Impress-
"I already told you, I don't want a dragon!" He shouted, and shook his head, as though he could shake the dragon's voice out of his head. He sighed and turned away. Xue was perched on a tree limb, watching the dragon and his boy. Ru whistled to him, and he flitted onto his shoulder, where he glared balefully at the dragon, feathers puffed out. Turning to leave, he purposefully ignored the dragon as it said, ...Alright then.
He had almost made it to the next Hold, a small one called Beim. Xue soared overhead, while Ru walked alone, below. He had wrapped his arm using strips from his spare clothing to stop the bleeding. Crude, perhaps, but it would do until he could get real help for it.
He had barely crossed into the outskirts of the Hold when he was nearly bowled over by two children running excitedly to the town square. "A searchrider! There's going to be a Search!"
Ru stopped, rolled his eyes skyward, and sighed. It looked like he'd be facing the brown and his rider once again. He briefly considered going straight through Beim without bothering to stop-but no, he still had to get help to heal his arm, and by then it would be night. Reluctant, he made his way into the Hold.
Sure enough, as soon as he was finished and had made his way to the town square, the rider and dragon were there. They were both surrounded by children and adults, watching eagerly and hoping a loved one might just be searched. "Oh, it's the kid with the hawk." The rider said dismissively, even though Ru could plainly see him keeping a sharp eye on him out of the corner of his gaze.
Ru bristled and clenched his jaw. "Falcon."
"Whatever." The rider waved a hand vaguely, uncaring.
You're still welcome to stand for the clutch, you know. The dragon again forced his way into Ru's mind, no matter how hard he tried not to listen to him. He shook his head fiercely again in a vain attempt to dislodge the voice and tried to walk away. The dragon had placed his sizeable tail across the pathway in a haphazard way which was just as obviously deliberate. The dragon looked at him, eyes whirling innocently, while his rider's mouth twitched, masking a smile.
Ru squeezed his eyes shut, praying for patience. "You just don't give up, do you?" He sighed, defeated. What harm could it do? He'd go to the hatching, wouldn't Impress, and then they'd have to leave him alone. Wouldn't they? "Alright, fine already. I'll stand. Are you happy?"
Yes. The dragon said simply as they prepared to leave.

Why are you upset?
"...I don't even like dragons. I don't want a dragon!"
Why?
"Just leave me alone!"
Ru stumbled away from the first of the hatchlings, even as the blue gazed at him perplexedly. Sure enough, the clutch hatched on schedule, and four dragonets went to look for their riders as their mother-a radiant white-watched.
He shut the hatching out of his mind as he walked towards the exit. He should never have bothered coming in the first place. Too many people here. Too many dragons. Too many memories...
He was knocked to the ground from behind, and Xue screeched as he was knocked off his shoulder. Ru struggled to get up, and fell silent as he realized there was another dragon hatchling pinning him to the ground. He tried to shut his mind to it, again in vain, as it tore through his meager defenses, sending a white-hot flash of pain through Ru's skull as the dragon sought to form the bond that would bind them together forever.
I'm Xanoth! You will have me, Ru, won't you? Please, Ru!
Ru grit his teeth and tried to shove the dragon off of him, his ears still ringing from Xue's raucous shrieks of injustice. Xanoth! Get offa me! He snarled mentally.
The hatchling ignored both of them, though he did climb off of Ru so he could look the boy in the eyes. I like your falcon and I like you, Ru! I know you don't like dragons, but please...Ru, be my rider. Be Ru, rider of Xanoth, will you?
Ru almost snarled again as he felt the link finally slide immovably into place, for all eternity. He glanced at Xanoth and grimaced. "It looks like you haven't given me much choice in the matter, Xanoth."

Ru stands straight at the prow of a ship, watching the mainland recede into the distant horizon. The sea wind carries spray from the water, splashing it into his face, but he only closes his eyes and smiles. It's good to feel cool seaspray on his face. It's good to feel anything at all.
Few fellow passengers pay any attention to the quiet young man with the white bird on his shoulder, and Ru likes it that way. He catches snippets of other people's conversations as they pass by, but no one tries to engage him in talk. His ears seem to prick at the mention of dragons, and he turns his head almost involuntarily towards the source. A young child and his father stand a short distance away, the child tightly clutching a stuffed toy in his arms, in the shape of a bronze fire lizard.
He brings it up above his head, pretending it is a dragon flaming thread. The boy's father laughs, lifting him up effortlessly in his arms, and begins to sing an old nursery tune softly.
"Dragonmen's duty begins on the Hatching Sands,
The crack of a shell brings the truest of friends..."
It is a song Ru knows well. He heard it countless times in his own childhood, long ago. Unbidden, the rest of the verse echoes through his mind.
Great is the reward, bound by the soul,
Lest they be parted, far greater the toll.
It is perhaps darker, more morbid than one would expect of a children's rhyme. It speaks, after all, of the greatest bond known to the men of Pern, that of a rider and his dragon. It also talks of that bond being broken, either the rider or the dragon dying, leaving the other bereft, with only half their soul, as the song says.
It is not Ru's favorite nursery rhyme, but it is probably the one he can relate to the most, having experienced such a loss on two separate occasions in his life.

"Isn't there anything you can do?"
"I told you already, we can't."
"So-What? You're just going to let him die!?"
"...I wish we could save him, believe me, I do. If we had been alerted to his condition earlier, perhaps-"
Ru stormed out of the infirmary, not willing to listen to what the dragonhealer had to say any longer. He had the nasty feeling that the healer's words would reinforce his own logic. That he hadn't paid enough attention to Xanoth, didn't even really care about him, until it was too late. That he had let his dragon die.
It was not very often that dragons got sick. They had exceedingly healthy immune systems normally, and there were only a handful of diseases that could actually cause serious harm to a dragon. Only the very old or the very young got sick, all the more reason for weyrlings to watch their dragons closely and take care of them. Exactly what Ru had neglected to do, even after Xanoth became sick. By the time he realized how serious it was, there was nothing that could be done.
Some of the Weyrfolk threw glares in his direction as he tore down the hall, others-those who recognized him and knew what was going on-gave him sympathetic looks. Both he ignored equally as he pushed past people on his way to the weyrling barracks.
He burst into the weyrling barracks, which were almost empty now, as all the others were in training with their dragons. A small section in the back was closed off, and Ru was ashamed to realize tears were threatening to build in his eyes as he pushed back the curtain to his own private quarter.
Xanoth lifted his head from his makeshift bed, eyes whirling slowly. The blue's hide, once bright sapphire, had dulled to a grayish blue tone. He could hear the weeks-old weyrling wheezing heavily, and Ru nearly winced, yet the dragon gathered his strength, clearly pleased to see his rider. Ru!
Ru almost cringed at the sound of Xanoth's voice. Oddly enough, as his dragon's health failed, his empathy with him seemed to grow. He sat down-more like fell, almost-beside the weyrling, running his hands through his hair and burying his face in his arms. He stayed like that a while, as Xanoth waited patiently. Finally, Ru lifted his head, his emerald eyes locking on Xanoth's. "They can't do anything, Xanoth." He croaked out.
Only the barest flicker of disappointment appeared in Xanoth's eyes, then it was gone. It's okay, Ru. Don't be sad, ridermine.
"I'm not sad!" Ru shouted reflexively. "How can you say it's okay!? It's not okay, Xanoth!"
Xanoth's eyes whirled with yellow. Mine, you're yelling. Please stop yelling, Ru...
He almost shouted out a retort, but bit his tongue at the last moment, and buried his head in his arms again instead. This is all my fault.
No it isn't, Ru.
Don't be ridiculous! Of course it is. I should have paid more attention. I knew better. I, of all people, should have known better!
It isn't. Xanoth insisted quietly. Besides, I thought you kept saying you didn't want a dragon anyway?
Ru's eyes squeezed shut. He thought of denying Xanoth's words, but somehow, the words didn't come to his lips, or his mind. Instead, he just sat there with the dying dragon until he fell asleep.
Ru never got the chance to deny it again. The next morning, Xanoth had died, and Ru was alone. Again.
There are many different kinds of desires and lusts in the world. Ru was struck by one; wanderlust. He never could stand being tied down to one place for too long.
There was no longer anything keeping him at Sidra Weyr, so he left.

He falls backwards, landing on the lush expanse of green grass, and lies staring up at the sky. It is a beautiful day at Ista Island, with an incredibly blue, clear sky. He inhales deeply and lets it out, a rare smile creeping onto his face.
For once, Ru is relaxing, and watches Xue fly overhead, soaring through the shadows of the clouds. He closes his eyes, and he not a Holdless stranger, or a dragonless man. He grasps a little bit of peace.
A shrill whistle from the falcon draws him out of his reverie. A chill air invades the area accompanied by a fully-grown blue dragon and his rider as they burst suddenly out of between. Ru sits up with a harsh curse, and his good mood abruptly shatters.
The dragon lands as Ru whistles quickly to Xue, and he begins to leave. He also catches the attention of the dragonrider, however, and as he begins to run deeper into Ista's jungle, away from the road and the intruder, the dragonrider calls to him. By name.
"Ru? Ru!"
He spins so quickly that Xue almost loses his footing on his shoulder, and clicks his beak in protest. His eyes narrow at the rider, then widen in recognition. The rider is shorter than Ru, but stockier, and with the same sandy blond hair as Ru's, only cut considerably shorter in the style of dragonriders. "Lavek?" Ru asks, recognizing his brother.
"Ye-well, L'vek now, actually." The younger man says as a grin spreads across his face.
Ru scowls and makes a faintly derogatory snorting sound. "So, I guess you did do it after all."
L'vek stiffens. "I told you. It's everything I always wanted."

"Father?"
"What do you want?"
"I-I think there's something wrong. With Iceth."
"Don't be ridiculous. Dragons don't get sick."
"But-"
Ru soon gave up trying to talk to his father. He was experienced enough to tell when the man was too drunk to care about anyone or anything else. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to blame his father. The alcohol made him act that way, he wasn't like that when he was sober.
The sixteen-turn-old turned away, giving up. He wandered off, and it was no surprise when he ended up in his father's weyr, standing over the dragon bed where the great bronze dragon lay. His semi-frequent visits alone with his father's dragon were unknown to anyone but him and his younger brother, Lavek.
Iceth, his father's dragon, lifted his head at his approach. His hide, normally a faintly metallic, burnished bronze color, had dulled and faded, reflecting the dragon's health. He was sick, deathly sick, with the same illness which, three turns later, would kill Ru's own dragon.
Ru sat down at the foot of the dragonbed and looked up at the dragon. "He didn't seem to care. He didn't even want to listen."
Iceth crooned. The sound was a rumble deep in his belly, and it sounded more like a growl, but Ru didn't mistake his tone. It's alright. I told you, you didn't have to do anything.
"...I'm sorry." Ru said, hanging his head.
It's not your fault. The dragon's giant eye fixed on his own. Listen, when I'm gone, you'll have to take care of your brother and sister. And your father.
The boy's head shot up. "What? You'll be here too, of course. What are you talking about?"
I'm dying. The dragon stated, almost matter-of-factly. It's too late. I'm going to go between. Tonight.
Ru's eyes stung with tears. "No. Y-You can't-"
Take care of your father for me, Ru.
"No!"
Ru could do nothing, and news swept through the Weyr the next morning that the critically ill bronze dragon had gone between, and did not return. He could do nothing but watch helplessly when his father, insane with grief and guilt, stabbed himself to death.
Following the deaths, Ru spent all his time in the empty weyr, mulling over his thoughts alone. He was there when Lavek came running in, shouting excitedly. "Ru! Ru, I got searched." He exclaimed.
Ru's icy green eyes fixed on his brother, who stopped in his tracks. "What?" He asked.
Lavek continued, somewhat uncertainly. "I-I've been searched. For the clutch. I'm going to be a candidate." He continued on, blithely. "Sure surprised me, I mean, I always thought it'd be you who was searched."
Ru stared at his brother, eyes narrowed. "You're actually going to do this?" He asked.
Lavek blinked. "Of course! It's what I've always wanted!"
"I can't believe you!" Ru snarled. "Even after what happened to our father, you still want to ride one of…them?"
Lavek practically snarled himself, bristling. "…Dragons didn't kill our father. He killed himself."
"They might as well have, they're still the reason he died." Ru walked out, leaving a shell-shocked Lavek behind.
Nobody seemed to know just when or how Ru ran away, but they all knew why.

A cool breeze caresses his cheeks, and he is brought back to the present with a sigh. "What do you want, L'vek?"
L'vek pauses, and when he speaks, it is with a peculiar hesitance. "We were on search. We thought there was a possible candidate here, but…" His eyes light up. "Unless it was-"
"Don't even think of suggesting it." Ru snarls suddenly.
L'vek blinks, taken aback, then his eyes soften. "It wasn’t your fault, Ru." As Ru glares at the blue dragon, he adds, "And it’s not their fault, either."
It is no one's fault. What happened in the past should stay there. A new voice, sounding remarkably like a deeper version of L'vek's, cuts in.
Again, Ru glares at the dragon. "Shut up. Stay out of this, you…Whatever your name is." He snaps, bristling.
Etemith. The dragon interjects smugly.
"You've never been able to shut them out though, have you?" L'vek asks quietly. "Probably not even after you started to hate them."
Ru’s lip curls at that, but he cannot deny it. One of the problems with being a HAD, being able to hear any dragon, was that they never left him alone.
L'vek shakes his head in frustration, muttering under his breath. Ru probably isn't supposed to hear it, but he does, anyway. "Faranth, I thought being away for a couple turns would help him, but if anything, it's just made it worse."
I suspect there's more going on here than we realize, ridermine.
Ru's temper begins to flare when the dragon's guess hits too close to the truth. "If you two are finished talking as if I'm not here," He says scathingly, "I will endeavor to make it so."
They aren't quite sure what he means, until he turns and begins to  walk away. L'vek runs to stop him. "Wait! Come on, I just found you. You can't just-Ru! You've just been searched!"
Ru stops and turns stiffly to face his brother. His eyes are practically glowing with green fire. "Don't think you're doing me any favors by trying to make me stand, and don't think you're doing me a kindness. A Weyr is the last place on Pern I want to go to." He hisses.
His brother is undaunted. "Why? What are you afraid of?"
"I'm not afraid." He snaps, almost reflexively.
L'vek snorts disbelievingly. "No? Then prove it."
Ru wants to say no. But like before, the words just don't come. He's tempted to blame it all on Fate, but he can't help but wonder: If it was Fate that lead to him standing for a dragon's clutch again, was it trying to destroy him? Or perhaps, to save him?